Day Three -- Why We Purge

let's talk about our feelings

I feel like today would be a good day to address WHY we purge since it's Valentines Day.


As many of you know if you've read my first two entries, there is an empty, un-fillable space in the pit of my stomach. It probably actually started in my heart but since my heart is three-sizes too small this day, the space had to move to a bigger area-- my stomach. Imagine the Jeffersons when they lived next to the Bunkers and then moved to their mansion in the sky, it's like that.


If we're talking about feelings though, I imagine the first one we should talk about is ANGER LOVE.
Why anger love, you ask? Anger Love is the opposite of synonymous with happiness.


As you can hopefully tell, I forgot all about Valentines Day when I started this entry this morning. It wasn't until I walked outside and my best friend was hit in the face with an "I Choo Choo You" train balloon that I remembered what was going on. My whole post was going to be about anger -- and why I think my bulimia will help with it. I am angry about everything. To know me personally, I'm such a ray of fucking sunshine but underneath it, I'm very angry. The problem with my anger (which is the same reason why I'm fat) is that I'm lazy. I'm too lazy to be actively pissed off at people. It's too emotional and exhausting to hold a grudge -- or to even care for longer than a minute. That's why I forgive people for things so easily. I'm too lazy to even be angry.


However! What is a better reason to develop an eating disorder than the heartache and pain that comes from LOVE?? Oh Valentines Day... You got this.

I hate being "in love." For one thing, I don't believe it truly exists in relationships. I had to learn that the hard way. The lack of control in my own life causes me to over-eat -- which, in turn, makes me a fattie.

me and my small bike on the way to KFC

this is how i roll

To better understand oneself, it might be best to try to uncover the reason behind your own personal eating disorder. You can't defend your stance of pro-bulimia if you don't first understand WHY you're doing it. Sit down, dig deep inside yourself to find those personal demons and stuff your mouth with food and puke it all out -- personal demons and all. It will help, I promise.

Without getting too specific about me, I am in a transition period in my life. Like when crabs move to a bigger shell, I feel like this is my time to shine, except that the end of something is always sad and it's hard to move past it. It's hard to let go.


I had sushi for dinner and I have to say, it's not going to be easy to throw up. The idea of fish coming back up the other way makes me a little nauseous... so I guess I'm succeeding in my task.

I also bought some generic slim-fast (chocolate) and my friend is suppose to be making a diet plan for me (that does NOT include eggs -- the idea of eggs coming back up the other way is worse than fish) so I'll be sure to include that ASAP.

Tip of the Day -- if you don't want to throw up, try laxatives. You should definitely stay hydrated though if you're going this route because too much of anything coming out of either end is no bueno and could make you sick.